My Blog

it was the usual day at class.

my seatmate was a close friend for over a year now, and he considers me his best buddy. i was then hanging out with my own set of barkada. he was not comfortable joining a groupie, thus kept his own set under the name A-S-H.

but back to what started as a usual day for me.

i was sitting on my desk doing the usual routine. and he was there sitting on my left. he motioned something for me to lean on my side and listen. i couldn't fully remember the lines he spoke, but it was the end statement that struck the greatest.

it was break time in between class, either morning recess or lunch. looking jittery, he started with the phrase, "i have a secret to tell you."

he must have thought long and hard how to break this silence to me.

i paused. did not react. i glanced at him for a while, then deliberately looked away. i thought i was betrayed. i couldn't manage to say a word. all i did was walk away. i was angry at myself for being a friend to someone who ended up owning a disease called faggotry.

i gave him the cold shoulder the next two weeks. or was it a month? the first few tries he would force several conversations with me in class, on the phone or along the hallways. but i deliberately avoided him. the person he considered a friend was on self-quarantine.

i didn't know how he coped and survived with his coming out process. the next few weeks, he eventually told the rest of his close acquaintances, beginning with the opposite sex. and then eventually the whole school knew who he was.

and that was his liberation. forget the uncanny stares while strolling down the school ally. and the silent whispers behind his back. he was secure of his wants - and that was all that mattered to him. while the rest of us remain in the hiding.

and to me, so much for being a friend.

N.B. i was still cold to him until the eve of graduation. i guess he did not need me to be happy and walk through the rest of high school. but at the final march, i shook his hand and bid him good luck.