tonight i began to drive alone, the destination being long and far away from the city lights. for sure it will be a struggle, as with the rush hour and the state of construction along the highway. but i didn't care anymore. the miles will stretch to more than two digits. and at this time, at least twice the time is expected for me to arrive.

it was a choice to correct a previously made mistake.

but then you called. i knew you would. and you didn't offer any explanation. only a clear demand to go back.

i hesistated. i have already conditioned myself to endure this trip. albiet a impromtu decision, i have made preparations and all. no mental game for me at this pressing moment. only a reason to rectify an innocent offense.

i am not doing this to please you. nor to make a stand nor evade you. i do not see why you make yourself as the protagonist in this case. you are not the issue. i was certain you would act against this. and the arguments continue to stand, whether the action veers to proceed or revert.

i opposed casting a tear when you made your point. amidst the resilience, i heard your plea. you didn't have to pretend to portray an iron fist. i act better at pretending to be numb.

ahead of me was a u-turn. but then, i could just drive away.

if i opt to heed, the problem remains. and then it would make sense for you to grin at winning this emotional fistfight.

i disappoint myself.

7 comment/s:

  1. cb :: 林偉文 says

    i've always seen love and leaving as a sort of dance. one person moves away. the other runs after him. that person moves away, he ends up turning around. it's crazy but we put up with it anyway.

    or i just totally misread your post. haha

    ash says

    you read well. ;)

    xtian1978ii says

    it happens to me too.

    often that not, no matter how hard we try we can't help but follow our heart (or urge whatever the case might be) even if something was already telling us to move away.

    even if going away is the best thing to do yet giving in is easier than giving up.

    john stanley says

    those who are able to move forward towards what's right and proper are the true winners.

    unfortunately, i am not one of them.

    Goodboi says

    Endurance is key, man, which is not earned overnight. You learn from it through a series of little disappointments and an evolution of different sorts.It has trade-offs and sacrifices underneath, I know, but hey, I don't think now is the time to give up. Not yet a big disappointment, so better keep on trying!

    engel says

    can't relate. =)

    ash says

    i was writing this in a very literal way of going away (but not escaping). but i get your analogy.

    @john stanley
    but we do not know for sure which is right and proper until we have made that step. and often there is no going back. we can only analyze but there is no real certainty of our decisions.

    (are we speaking of the same thing here? haha)

    thanks for dropping by!

    as with @xtian1978ii, i always end up giving in. but that is what we need to nurture relationships..